Matching Scars

Matching Scars

Well it’s been a while, BB’s.  Brunettish BB has had a hard few months.  I had girlie issues “down there” and had to have the ole uterus (AKA “Stella”) taken right on out.  I was pretty miserable.  And I’ll be honest… cause that what we BB’s do… I was mad at God a little.  Yeppers.  This girl of total blind faith was a little... or a lot (since we are being honest) peeved.  I wanted him to step in and save the day… relieve the pain and make me better.  That wasn’t His plan and in the moment of pain and discomfort and missing out on the world, this BB got mad.  And of course felt guilty because of it.  Can I get an “Amen” if you’ve ever been there??

It wasn’t until a day that a friend sent a video of Martin Luther King, Jr., that my heart changed.  I ignored it all day long.  I didn’t want to hear it (although I did ask God to soften my heart).  Finally I listened.  Funny enough, what my friend heard and thought I’d take to heart was not what God planned.  Sometimes God tells us to do stuff and we think we know why, but God has a WHOLE different plan.  Story of my life.  One line, out of the twenty-minute sermon, stuck out…  “Though you slay me, I will hope (trust) in you.”  This wasn’t the first time I heard this verse from Job, and this is exactly why it stuck out.

My blonde BB had introduced this phrase from Job to me in a song… quite randomly.  It is a wonderful song, but I struggled with saying, “though you slay me,” when talking to God.  I thought my God was a kind, loving God that wouldn’t hurt me.  I thought my God wouldn’t put me in the floor of the bathroom in pain.  I thought my God wouldn’t make me feel depressed and anxious.  I thought my God wouldn’t take my momma away far too soon.  I thought my God wouldn’t slay me.  This BB was as confused as a snow monkey in the rainforest.   

Then ole Junior lays it out there with conviction and eloquence.  WOW, what a speaker.  “Though you slay me” isn’t an accusation… It’s a declaration!  It’s giving God total control.  It is saying that “Hey God, you created this BB, do with me what you will!!  I know you didn’t say you’d not tempt or harm me beyond what I can bear; you said you WILL provide a way out when tempted!!  And You never said this world would be a sweet little charming place full of fairy wings and tutus even though Your beloved BB's would try to make it that way.  You said we were not made for this world!" 

HOLLA-LUJAH BBs!!!

It is a declaration that 

NO.  MATTER. WHAT.

I will praise and trust and hope in Him.

He deserves it, doesn’t he?  He created us.  He died for us!  I look down at the scars from the hysterectomy… yes, this BB is more concerned about the scars on my belly than being able to have more babies.  I’m too old for that mess….babies, that is.  The scars weren’t an issue, cosmetically speaking, but it reminded me of the horrible months I had in pain and isolation.  Funny enough, my blonde BB has the SAME scars… from a gall bladder “evacuation”.  That made it better.  But still, every time I looked down (especially as they healed), I cringed. 

Then I thought, “ya know BB (talking to myself of course), I bet Jesus sees me doing that and looks at His hands and feet and thinks about the holes that had been there.  I bet He thinks about his back striped with scars, and the punctures in His brow and the pain His momma and friends felt as they saw what He went through.  I bet He weeps.  Not in regret, mind you, in remembrance.  I’m betting He would never tell us to 'do this in remembrance' without remembering Himself.  He weeps for me when I’m at my lowest.”

I didn’t go through what He went through, but many of us have physically.  Can you fathom how special we are?  At our lowest low… Jesus went through pain and agony and heartache, so we could live forever with Him.  I looked once more at my scars, and heard a voice, “I never have forsaken you.”  BBs, when I thought my God wouldn’t put me in the floor of the bathroom in pain, HE didn't forsake me.   When I thought my God wouldn’t make me feel depressed and anxious, He DID NOT forsake me.   When I thought my God wouldn’t take my momma away, He didn't forsake ME!

BB’s, know this today…

He is our

Creator,

Provider,

Healer,

Father.

He has never, ever forsaken us.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow, BB's!

Though he slay me, I will hope in him.  Job 13:15

XOXO!!
Anna (with Jenny in spirit)