Matching Scars
Well it’s been a while, BB’s. Brunettish BB has had a hard few months.
I had girlie issues “down there” and had to have the ole uterus (AKA
“Stella”) taken right on out. I was
pretty miserable. And I’ll be honest…
cause that what we BB’s do… I was mad at God a little. Yeppers.
This girl of total blind faith was a little... or a lot (since we are being honest) peeved. I wanted him to step in and save the day… relieve the pain and make me
better. That wasn’t His plan and in the
moment of pain and discomfort and missing out on the world, this BB got
mad. And of course felt guilty because of
it. Can I get an “Amen” if you’ve ever been
there??
It wasn’t until a day that a friend sent a video of Martin
Luther King, Jr., that my heart changed.
I ignored it all day long. I
didn’t want to hear it (although I did ask God to soften my heart). Finally I listened. Funny enough, what my friend heard and
thought I’d take to heart was not what God planned. Sometimes God tells us to do stuff and we
think we know why, but God has a WHOLE different plan. Story of my life. One line, out of the twenty-minute sermon,
stuck out… “Though you slay me, I will
hope (trust) in you.” This wasn’t the
first time I heard this verse from Job, and this is exactly why it stuck out.
My blonde BB had introduced this phrase from Job to me in a
song… quite randomly. It is a wonderful
song, but I struggled with saying, “though you slay me,” when talking to
God. I thought my God was a kind, loving
God that wouldn’t hurt me. I thought my
God wouldn’t put me in the floor of the bathroom in pain. I thought my God wouldn’t make me feel
depressed and anxious. I thought my God
wouldn’t take my momma away far too soon.
I thought my God wouldn’t slay me.
This BB was as confused as a snow monkey in the rainforest.
Then ole Junior lays it out there with conviction and
eloquence. WOW, what a speaker. “Though you slay me” isn’t an accusation…
It’s a declaration! It’s giving God total
control. It is saying that “Hey God, you
created this BB, do with me what you will!!
I know you didn’t say you’d not tempt or harm me beyond what I can bear;
you said you WILL provide a way out when tempted!! And You never said this world would be a sweet little charming place full of fairy wings and tutus even though Your beloved BB's would try to make it that way. You said we were not made for this world!"
HOLLA-LUJAH BBs!!!
It is a declaration
that
NO. MATTER. WHAT.
I will praise and
trust and hope in Him.
He deserves it, doesn’t he?
He created us. He died for
us! I look down at the scars from the
hysterectomy… yes, this BB is more concerned about the scars on my belly than
being able to have more babies. I’m too
old for that mess….babies, that is. The
scars weren’t an issue, cosmetically speaking, but it reminded me of the
horrible months I had in pain and isolation.
Funny enough, my blonde BB has the SAME scars… from a gall bladder “evacuation”. That made it better. But still, every time I looked down
(especially as they healed), I cringed.
Then I thought, “ya know BB (talking to myself of course), I
bet Jesus sees me doing that and looks at His hands and feet and thinks about
the holes that had been there. I bet He
thinks about his back striped with scars, and the punctures in His brow and the
pain His momma and friends felt as they saw what He went through. I bet He weeps. Not in regret, mind you, in remembrance. I’m betting He would never tell us to 'do
this in remembrance' without remembering Himself. He weeps for me when I’m at my
lowest.”
I didn’t go through what He went through, but many of us
have physically. Can you fathom how
special we are? At our lowest low… Jesus went through pain and agony and
heartache, so we could live forever with Him.
I looked once more at my scars, and heard a voice, “I never have
forsaken you.” BBs, when I thought my God
wouldn’t put me in the floor of the bathroom in pain, HE didn't forsake me. When I thought my God
wouldn’t make me feel depressed and anxious, He DID NOT forsake me. When I thought my God wouldn’t
take my momma away, He didn't forsake ME!
BB’s, know this today…
He is our
Creator,
Provider,
Healer,
Father.
He has never, ever
forsaken us.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow, BB's!
Though he slay
me, I will hope in him. Job 13:15
XOXO!!
Anna (with Jenny in spirit)
