The Day I Quit Walking On Eggshells

I have dealt with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder ever since I was about 15 years old. It could have even been longer... I'm not sure, because it only started being called BDP in the 1980s. The National Education Alliance defines Borderline Personality Disorder as "a serious mental illness that causes unstable moods, behavior, and relationships." And it is such a strange disorder... It is so hard to diagnose and even harder (read: almost impossible) to treat. 

It wasn't always the same person that haunted be with their mental illness, but it has always been someone. The madness from the disorder found a way to cross my path over and over. So much so, that I even questioned my own sanity.  While the Border is dishing out buckets of crazy (that is simply heat-of-the-moment nonsense), the non-BP is experiencing the real emotions that are associated with such accusations or threats. 

I've been someone's "savior" and their biggest enemy... all in one week... week after week after week.

I've received calls and emails from friends about the person's suicide threats. So much so, that I brushed it off as easily as an empty compliment or bad pair of shoes. 

I've been on the receiving end of wild mood swings that made me want to run for cover. I learned to swing my gold bullet-proof cuffs up as quick as Wonder Woman to defend the attacks. 

I've experienced wild accusations that could never be true... both about myself and people around me. 

I've been plagued by their sudden paranoia to the point that I prepare for the emotions that go along with possible alien attacks and computer hacking and deadly diseases and government takeovers. 

And I ended up changing my behavior because of it. It's funny... the person with BPD changes from day to day... but never really changes. He or she is consistently inconsistent. A splinter that just won't fester enough to give relief. A squeaky wheel that won't be silenced with any amount of grease. And so I started to change instead of creating the necessary healthy boundaries. I felt that the one thing that I could control was me. And if I'd change to accommodate the BPD person, that I'd feel relief. But instead, I became the prisoner. 

"The person with BPD hasn’t changed. But the non-BP has.” 

― Paul Mason, Stop Walking on Eggshells

You see, to release yourself from the prison, boundaries are crucial with someone with BPD...I do know that much. The problem is that sometimes boundaries work and sometimes they provoke. Actually, most of the time they provoke. And the non-BP is left with a choice...

Do I set the boundary for my own sanity, knowing that the Border will explode?

And I learned that I could never fly if was stuck walking on eggshells. I felt like daily activities were centered around not "setting off" the Border. Simple tasks became mine fields. Daily choices became life altering decisions. My life had snow balled into a slippery slope that altered my sense of logic. 

And as a Christian, it gets even more difficult. We think because God is love and Jesus said that "the greatest of these is love" and so on and so on, that love and kindness looks like a Sound of Music or Brady Bunch scene. But is love not disciplining your child for a lie? Is love not calling your spouse out for stepping one foot towards a temptation that could destroy your marriage? Is love not calling out a friend that speaks out of line towards another? So...Is love not setting a boundary? 

Jesus set boundaries all of the time.

“Let the children come to me” was a boundary. He rebuked the disciples’ actions (Matthew 19:13). 

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” was a boundary. He challenged the ones that were calling themselves righteous (John 8:7).

“Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am” was a boundary. He set this boundary for false teachings and non-believers (John 8:58). And they picked up stones. And he hid.

He knew the danger of boundaries. He hid because He knew. And He still knows today how hard it is to stand up and be strong in difficult situations.

Boundaries are a good thing!! 

The story gets complicated for us when we see the patterns of unhealthiness. We must be careful with creating a healthy "family" around us. We can’t create perfection... which is what I expect of course... but we must set boundaries in a world that has learned to hide behind sugar-coated niceties and passive aggressive behavior… all of which is then given a social media façade of perfection. 

All that a lack of boundaries gives us is a petri dish of dysfunction. All saying “It's fine,” does (while denying the ripple effect) is sweep the dysfunction under the rug. Our hearts begin to grow weary and tired and dark with the constant barrage from the Border. And we become the unhealthy person that begins yet another ripple effect with our depression. 

I wish I could say that I've mastered all of he nuances of BP loved ones, but I haven't. I long for change, but know that change will never be. It is up to us to break the cycle of the Border. And it is up to us to love beyond borders while maintaining boundaries that allow us fly above the chaos. 

Connected at the Hip

Recently I shared a blog that I had written over at MiddlePlaces.com, called "Finding June." It was all about how through struggling as a newlywed, I accidentally became besties with June Carter. Not literally of course... but spiritually speaking. My husband and I had gotten into a very rare argument. And I turned to June. She taught me so much that night. Here is an excerpt of the blog to catch you up...

"When my husband and I got married (and yes, it was in a fever and hotter than a pepper sprout), I just happened to start reading June’s book, Among My Klediments.  Late one night, my hubs and I had an argument…which is rare.  He went to bed and I sat on the couch.  I was lonely.  I was very frustrated and a whole lotta mad.  I was dealing with demons of my past mistakes, and I was having a little bit of a pity party.  I was basically a big ole hot mess, and my pouty self decided to not turn to God.  'I’m just gonna sit here and read a book… and NOT the Bible… I’m not in the mood.'  (This is SO unlike me… but it all happened for a reason).  Oh, how sillies we are when we are frustrated.  That night I needed a good Christian woman/momma/friend that had walked through a ring of fire to shake me by the shoulders and say, 'You are okay.  You just got a little lost.'"

June taught me something else that night and it explains a lot about why, for quite a while, you didn't see me with my husband by my side.  We became connected at the hip. It's no secret that Johnny and June got married while carrying a whole lot of baggage and a long series of bad choices. She and Johnny didn't leave each other's sides for a solid year when they got married. They chose to do this for protection. After much discussion, Jerome and I decided that this was important for us too. We both have a lot of baggage, a lot of bad habits, and a lot of fire still under our belt. That first year we wanted, first and foremost, to protect our marriage and honor God in our choices. 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 

One thing we had already learned is that sometimes human love just isn't enough... especially if it isn't solidified in a foundation flowing from Jesus. Jesus has to be first in a marriage, and Jerome and I had never experienced that. That first year together protected our marriage in a very unique way. Friendships, commitments, family would all have to take a back seat. Honesty, loyalty, patience had to prevail because of the quantity of time we spent together. We worked apart each day for basically 8 hours... less than that, really, because he left for work before I was even awake. If he was called in after hours, I followed along. When I worked late (and I always do), he was in tow. Church commitments... two for one one deal. Music, of course, continued to be played together. Girls' night out? There usually wasn't one unless he was sitting across the room or even at the table! Guys night watching football? Yep, I was there. Friends with me? You became friends with him.

We were cautious at first. We didn't want to lose friendships or church positions or anything else. We began to see, however, that if friends didn't understand our situation and if they didn't understand that the spouse came first (right after God of course), they might not need to be high on our social priority list. And people that didn't respect the whole "God first, spouse second, kiddos third" aspect, might need some major boundaries. And there were times where I went into introvert overload. I liked being alone and independent. And I soon learned that God was trying to show me that as well. My independence had been a stumbling block to a truly complete marriage. 

And you may still see this as weird or clingy or excessive, but it wasn't. We committed to it and our hearts were forever changed. At the end of the year, we looked at our marriage with new eyes. There were no secrets. There were no regrets. We had a new level of loyalty and respect for one another. We had a new level of independence. We longed for each other's company. And our confidence, when we stood alone, grew stronger because of our connection to one another. And most importantly our walk with God grew some unshakeable roots. 

So I challenge you today to dig deeper in finding a #wholelotta love. It takes being intentional. It takes some long nights and hard days, but it is well worth the struggle. Even if your marriage is in a mess, the grass isn't greener. Be intentional and commit to a year... or even a month of making God first, your spouse second, and your children next... then all that other junk. I am no expert on marriage, but I can hold my hand up high and tell you that I committed to that year whole heartedly and it changed my life. And it'll change yours!!!

We have now moved past that first year and will always face trials and struggles and nights that are dark and seemingly lonely, but in the morning one thing always remains... when I look into my husband's eyes (even when I'm Fire-Breathing Dragon mad), I see the eyes of my Savior looking back at me. And I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the bigger picture and a Kingdom in which, through tough obedience, I can shine so much brighter. 

His Final Brushstroke

Howdy BBs! Brunette BB here and I just had to share a story with you guys. This is one I shared yesterday with my kids in our worship service at church. It is FO SHO BB inspired. I do LOVE spreading a little BB love to those kiddos!!

So my daddy is an artist…a painter to be exact. He paints most anything and everything…usually large paintings.  Every time he starts a painting, he puts the canvas up on the easel and then we (my brother and I) usually get a phone call or a text telling us how wonderful it is going to be. But BBs, all I ever see is a big ole white canvas of nothingness. Ain't gonna lie. And he explains all this fabulousness... And I still just see a big ole white canvas. 

THEN he preps for the painting. There will be dark places and light places and a few shades in between. When I say places, read blotches! Then he sits back in his recliner and calls or texts us and tells how wonderful it is!! And yet again, all we see is big blotches of dark and light places.

Next he starts painting the basic structures of the painting…lines and shapes and more blotches, and you guessed it… we get a phone call.

This process goes on for days and days and my brother and I are always sending him silly messages back about his happy swan or his weathered tree. We laugh, but really we know what’s going to happen. It's going to be some major amazingness!!

My favorite day is the LAST one. Not because the process is over, but because THIS is when the painting comes to life!!  It’s all in the details, BBs. He will add a single brush stroke and the feather on that silly swan comes swooping off the dang canvas! A single blotty kinda motion and… TA DA… mossy castle wall. Sometimes he will walk over with tweezers and add beads as sprinkles on a cupcake or a jewel in the top of a crown or a real pearl as some sort of ornamentation.  And the final touch makes the whole masterpiece.

And then we all come to the living room and he sits back... completely satisfied with his hard work. And it is good...REALLY good...BEYOND good.   

Now this is exactly as I see God creating our universe. Instead of just a painting, He created something more beautifully orchestrated than Mozart’s most intriguing opera mixed with Chopin’s most lovely concerto mixed with a painting more detailed and brilliant than the Sistine Chapel mixed with a sculpture more breathtaking than anything Michealangelo could have ever imagined. And what, my friends, was his final detail? Well let’s review…

Day 1:  He created the heavens and the earth

Day 2:  Sky and sea were formed

Day 3:  Land was formed amongst the sea and plants covered the earth

Day 4:  Light was given… the sun and moon

Day 5:  He created birds and sea creatures

Day 6:  Animals were created and THEN, last but certainly NOT least, man and woman

Day 7:  God rested and called the seventh day holy

So what was the last thing He did before resting? After He created this universe and all of the insanely detailed things that are in it (I mean come on... how creative is HE to have made a platypus or one of those glow in the dark fish or a plant that looks like a monkey's bootie), He stepped back and made his final brush stroke. And he looked at His BBs (the rest of the Trinity) and said, “This is GOOD!” 

BBs, don’t miss this… 

YOU are his final brush stroke.   

You are the pearl.  

You are the jewel.  

YOU are the final detail of his masterpiece.   

YOU are the finishing touch without which, He could have never made this beautiful universe.

So that leaves you two big truths. 

o   SHINE, so you can be what you were intended to be. The final brush stroke and jewel of God’s masterpiece for our Savior.  And see yourself as beautiful as He does. Even with your mess ups and your nastiest of days and your biggest of denials, He CAN make you white as snow and He DOES see you as a jewel in the crown of creation.

o   SEE that others are also a jewel.  Lead them to His beautiful Truth.  Help them see that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Love them.

BBs, we are beautifully broken.  We have big fat messes, BUT that’s not the bigger picture.   

We are the crown of creation FOR the only TRUE one that has ever been innocently… Beautifully Broken. 

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,^[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”  Genesis 1:26

Love is Hard

Y'all, we picked love for this month completely on God's advisement. Of course, that's how we should always roll, but I became suddenly without words on the topic. (That doesn't happen often).  This should be easy right? I love my family and I love my life and I love my husband and I love my child and I love my dog and I love my truck. I'm the epitome of a country song. But love is just hard, isn't it?

We say we love a good book or a weekend at our favorite spot. We claim to love God with all of our heart. We love our spouse or child even when they leave trash in the back of our truck... ummm, or dirty dishes in our sink. But when it truly comes down to it, real love is hard. 

I'll tell you a little secret...

I skim over 1 Corinthians 13. I'm not gonna lie. It's a lot to take in. 

Here's what it reads...

Love is patient, 

love is kind. 

It does not envy, 

it does not boast, 

it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, 

it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, 

it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, 

always trusts, 

always hopes, 

always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Here's what I read...

Love is hard,

love is hard,

love is hard,

love is hard,

it's hard,

it's hard,

it's hard,

it's hard,

it's hard,

it's hard,

it's hard, etc. and whatnot.

Hard. Hard. Hard. 

Y'all, I look around and see a whole lotta hard! How am I supposed to show kindness through love to the mean girl that continues to throw ill will at me like I'm in a dunkin' booth? How do I love through patience, when my child (or your child) will not listen and continues to disobey? How do I love my neighbor and not envy their nice house when I live in a shoebox? How do I not keep records of wrongs when that "friend" keeps being a sneakerton and doing things behind my back? How do I love and not be easily angered when I've had a long day? And let's add a little seasoning to that... how about some PTSD or abuse or neglect or grief or loss or too much change or just a bad day? How do I do it all after what I've been through? How do I do it all when I can't even love myself or my family or friends?

All of those words seem so impossible, so I sat down and pushed on through. I read it again... And again. And I read the whole chapter. (You should too... it's GOOD stuff)!

I started reading it a little differently and here is why. I remember as a kid having a friend that always gave the "church" answer in Sunday school. It was always "God" or "Jesus" or "God is love." Well, there's a little truth. God IS love. If I wanna be more like Jesus, then I've got to tackle this love thing! So I put my name in the place of love. 

Anna is patient, 

Anna is kind. 

Anna does not envy, 

Anna does not boast, 

Anna is not proud. 

Anna does not dishonor others, 

Anna is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. 

Anna does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

Anna always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Well, when I look at it that way, I'm at least 50/50 on being those things. That's not bad, right? And then God interjected. And showed me the real truth. I can be most of those things on my own, but with Jesus down deep in my heart and I can be all of those things... and WILL be all of those things. I don't have to try to tackle that list on my own. I have God IN me. That means through His power, I can be all of those things... to ALL of those people. Honestly, that's a bit overwhelming, isn't it?

But He knew that. I think that's why the end of the chapter assures us, that we will look at Him face to face and no longer be confused. We will understand His love as fully as He understands all of our "stuff" right this second. 

And He ends assuring us that we still need faith and hope. It takes that to allow God to flow through us and keep Him first and love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39), BUT the greatest is still love.

I mean sheesh, when I stop and read it all again, everything changes. God doesn't expect me to be perfect, but to try... This is merely a faith walk to eternity. This is merely the teensiest beginning of our walk through the Kingdom. Trying and not being perfect (read: my living nightmare) is ok, because one day we will be face to face and the old, incomplete actions will fade away, and the new will come. And we will be complete in Him and understand true love. Our brokenness will become beautiful!

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13 

Daring To Be More Like Jesus

Do you ever daydream? I have to let you in on a little something about which I love to daydream! I love to sit and read about the life of Jesus, and think about all of the people in His tribe. I imagine what each of the 12 men were like, as they followed him and learned more about the mysteries of God. I envision those insanely brave men and women that contributed to his ministries.

I imagine the talking and the arguments. I wonder what the long walks from town to town were like. I try to guess their hair color and what they had on. What did they feel when they saw the miracles? What did they think when Jesus told parables? Did they ever want to run away or was Jesus so enchanting and comforting that His presence was worth all of the gold one could have.

I even think about my own tribe and who would be the ones that would be following Jesus, if He were here today walking around teaching my community about Christ.

Who would be our modern version of Mary Magdalene? Or Lazarus's sister Mary? (link to "I wanna be a Mary" blog) Or Judas? Or Paul?

Who would give up their world and families to follow Him? And preach His word?

Who would risk their life for Him?

Who would persecute Him?

Would our churches today embrace Him?

Would our table be flipped over by Him?

As I daydream about the scenario, one thing keeps coming back to my thoughts... what a brave soul He was. He was crazy daring to walk this earth with us. Y'all, we stink. We are hateful humans. We do terrible things even on a good day! 

I mean, let's face it. Most days, I look around at this world and the people in it (including myself), and can't wait to go Home! Can you imagine how done with us He had to have been?  And let's remember that when He was here, He wasn't just thinking about the people on earth for those 33 years.  He was thinking about the millions before them and the billions that came after!  

And He never was just done with our nonsense. He walked around in our nasty shoes. He endured our darkness. He was tortured and killed BY us. FOR us. A perfect being ridiculed by a bunch of dumb dumbs. Hypocritical dumb dumbs.

"Oh, but wait, Jesus, we want to go to heaven too! My bad... I didn't mean to hang you on a tree."

And that's the thing. When I look at my tribe and try to guess who is whom, the truth is that we are all of those people. I threw stones and then blindly followed him. I washed his feet and then beat him. I preached His Word and then hung him on a tree. I did. And I still do. And so do you.

Every time I tell a white lie.

Every time I break a commitment.

Every I chose something in place of Him... social media, Netflix, friends, family, our job.

Ugh... I kinda get woozy thinking about all of the "stones" I've thrown at Him.

We fall every single day. And ya know what? Jesus knows this. God knows this. Yet they dared to save us anyway. They dared to make our broken lives more beautiful. They dared to walk this earth for us and with us. 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I want to dare to be more like Jesus. 

Daring love. 

Daring patience. 

Daring empathy. 

Daring humility. 

Daring sacrifice.

Daring grace.

I want to dare to see things differently. And I think you do too!! Our BB post about being more like Jesus reached a record number of peeps! So I know you feel the same way! Will you join me on this brave journey? I'm pretty sure I'll stumble, but I'm 100% sure I'll enjoy the ride and be blessed through the journey!

Prayer Warriors

So y'all, last Sunday, I taught kids worship. I always LOVE doing this, but I'm gonna be honest. I was not made for public speaking. I can write about it all day long, but when I start speaking (even to well receiving children), I'm a hot mess. Moses and his speaking issues ain't got nothin' on this BB! And we won't even begin to touch the blonde BB's track record in this area. We are a pair, fo sho!

Well this time, the story was all about Peter (Acts 12:5-17). He had been put in prison because he was telling peeps about God. Long story, short... Herod was after all the people that were preaching about Jesus. Some had already been killed, and Peter was next. God's work for him was not done, and He sent an angel and broke him right on out of the big house. 

When Peter arrived at his friend's house, his Christian buds were praying so hard that they didn't even notice he was there just a knockin'. Y'all... that hit me like a ton of bricks! I want to be the kinda prayer warrior that doesn't even notice the prayer being answered or the text notification buzzing or the kiddo crying.  

Can you even imagine how we would change our world, if we let go of it all long enough to lay it all at the feet of Jesus... without being interrupted? I'm certain that our days would change. Our relationships would change. Our lives would change. Our world would change!

Ya know, Jesus spent so much time teaching us about prayer. He gave us many other commands...Love God, love you neighbor (Mark 12:30-31), make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:16-20), but he stopped and taught us how to pray (Matthew 6:9-13). He made sure we truly understood. With this lesson, there were no parables or confusing examples. He was crystal clear.

And I'll admit, I'm either so good or so bad at prayer. Sometimes I'm Johnny On The Spot prayer perfect. Other times, I'm a lazy dumb dumb. I'm usually ok with the whole "pray without ceasing" thing (1 Thessalonians 5:16). I sometimes pray all stinkin day. But the deep prayer that strengthens and changes our relationship with our Father, I'm a little lax in. Perhaps I need to let go of some things so I can draw closer to Him. Maybe I need to let go of some distractions. Maybe I just need to let go of excuses. What about you?

Now I'm gonna let you in on a little trick I do... I assign daily things I do as reminders to pray for peeps in my tribe or for my family or church. For instance...

Every time I use mascara, I pray for my friend Cheri that loves her some eye products.

Drinking coffee? Well that goes to Sasha.

Taking vitamins or protein shakes? Jenny.

Teasing my hair? Liz (And oh I love to tease it til it's MAD). 

Fixing my bangs? Heather.

Reading C.S. Lewis? My pastor.

Emergency siren? The person being attending to.

I have probably 30 of these! One for my dads and brothers and husband and kiddo and church leaders and tribe members. And I sometimes forget, but then God gently nudges me back on track. It keeps me praying for others. And keeps my focus better.

Maybe this will help even just one of you! Just think... if I commit to doing better with this and one of you commit to doing better with this, oh my WOW! That would be huge work for the Kingdom. I can't even imagine if all of the BB army committed to this!! We would be seeing miracles all around us and blessings overflowing! Amazing things would happen!

I am really going to add this to my #beintentional campaign. And I so hope you will join me. Think about what you can let go of this week to start being more intentional with prayer. Let's shake up the Kingdom this week, BBs! It's the least we can do for our sweet Father!

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

Be Intentional In Letting Go

Hey BBs! It's been a crazy week here at the farm, and I am just now getting to my blog on letting go! Y'all, my life has been a whirlwind this week. We've had a court summons, a small house fire, a day with no power (in 30 degree weather), a snow scare, a sinus infection, and so much rain and barn work. I was so tired Friday, that I literally woke up and cried. Sounds like I need to let go, huh, BBs?

I will honestly say, though, that it has been amazing how God has shown his presence in it all. BBs, He has been in every single detail. And it was such a good reminder about being intentional and just letting go! I started this year with this goal. And do you know what happened? The ole sneaky snake stepped in and wanted to shake things up and test my determination. And I just kept holding on to those two words... be intentional.

I have tried to be intentional in all the areas (although it wasn't always a beautiful thing)...

-Housework (We won't discuss that I just took down my Christmas tree).

-Barnwork (I may have neglected riding the ponies a bit, but the barn looks fab).

-Prayer (I could have done better with this too, but I tried to pray without ceasing since I didn't have big blocks of time to really sit down and pray).

-Reading the Bible (This one is tough, but I'm trying to keep up with my hubs, so my competitive side kept me going and it has paid off).

-Writing (I slacked some this week, but I didn't quit...FTW).

And here's the thing... God has honored my commitment. And through darkness and cold and smoke and snow, He showed me His beauty. And He showed me how letting go can change our lives. He chose the themes fo this year, not me. And I have to give him the glory for leading the BBs down a path that will allow us to grow and become even more beautiful. 

So back to the topic of letting go... You know the old yuckers blanket that little kiddos carry around?  We've all seen one. They all have their own special name with some big ole things in common... They are dirty and stained and look like they've been drug behind a truck. They have a unique stench even after being washed. They are required to be readily available at all times. We've also been around a child that forgot his blanky and just can't get comfy without it. (Read: Had a breakdown and ugly cried...generally in a public place). Does he really need it? Of course not, but it gives him comfort and it makes him brave... so he thinks.

Here's the deal and what I truly learned this week... we aren't here on this earth to hold on to stuff that makes us feel better. We aren't here to wake up every day and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We aren't here to sleep tight and not let the bedbugs bite. We are here for one reason. To serve the Kingdom. How? By spreading God's word and saving His people.

Our God gave His Son for us. After being beaten and shamed and tortured, He died on a cross. But the bigger loss for God is every single BB that turns their back on his love and grace. How heartbreaking to love someone so much that you sacrifice your only child, just for them to turn away?

And that's where we come in. It's time to let go of nonsense. Drop that stinky stank blanky you've been carrying around. You don't need a security blanket. 

You don't need that "issue" that is plaguing you. 

You can let go of that grudge. 

You can let go of that habit. 

You can let go of that blindness. 

You can let go of that anchor. 

Be intentional and let go of what is holding you back, and start fighting for the One that loves you. Save His people. One person at a time. Pray more. Do more. Love more.

We weren't promised weeks without small fires or hard work or heartache. We were promised an eternal life in the Kingdom. But BBs, the Kingdom starts right here and now. So let go of the nonsense, and fight for what's really important. 

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”

Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV

It's My Joy And You Can't Have It

Have you ever had one of those days... weeks... months... that it seemed that every person and every circumstance was trying to just drain the last bit of life and happy out of your body? We've all been there, right?

Sometimes it is illness or an accident that changes your life for a short or long period of time. Circumstances, that are completely out of your control, start to blow your house down like the pig's that was made of straw. 

Sometimes it is poor choices that are causing a ripple affect of consequences throughout your life. You are making good changes, but the effects are still washing over you with every wave. They leave you drowning in a sea of regret.

And other times it is a person that tries to steal your joy. I call these peeps Emotional Vampires. They suck and bleed you dry... sometimes intentionally and sometimes without meaning to deplete your spirit. They pick at you quietly or they don't respect your boundaries.

I have been through so many of these circumstances... my mother's cancer, loss of a brother to illness, divorce, bad decisions, and I'm pretty sure that I attract Emotional Vampires. The hardest for me to deal with are the things of which I have no control. Isn't that frustrating? The ole sneaky snake loves to attack from all fronts.

Last week, I shared some stories about being attacked by peeps I don't know. It wasn't them, y'all, it was satan attacking me. When I work hard for BB land and when you work hard for the Kingdom, you will be attacked! But that's a while nuther blog!

What it comes down to is that you will face things that bring you to your knees. You just will. And I'm so sorry for that. And for a brief time, you may feel like that problem or person will steal your sanity, and suck the living life out of you. But BBs, by the grace of God, those people and circumstances can NOT still your joy! How can I say that so boldly? Read this!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 

The FRUIT. One fruit. Within one Spirit. That lives in you if you have given your life to Jesus. The Bible says he dwells in you. That means hovers and sets up camp and isn't going anywhere.

One fruit of the Spirit.  Not kindness or joy or peace or patience, etc. ALL of it. God gave you the Holy Spirit and guess what BBs? He isn't going anywhere. Especially just because things get hard or because you are anxious or depressed or because you are attacked. You have the power of God living in you. And you were made for so much more than this life.

So, you have joy...period. It can't leave. There is no nasty person or difficult event or yuckers decision that is pushing that Spirit out of you. It's a done deal. You are washed in the blood of Jesus. So NO one can take your joy. 

They can try. Satan will... through people or things or circumstances, but it ain't gonna happen. How amazing is that! It just makes me want to throw on my tutu and do a big fat BB dance! 

So the next time you are tired and your eyes feel like there are no more tears to be shed and when you long for something more, remember... and pray. 

Holy Spirit, remind me of the joy in my heart that can never leave. I want to shout for joy and I want my tears to be shed in joy and not in pain. For pain has no place in my heart. Fill my heart with Your fruit that will never leave and never perish. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for the power that you have placed in me. 

And then BBs, #letgo. 

Sticks and Stones...

Ya know what burns me up?  Mean girls.  I hated the show.  I hate the idea.  And I hate that mean girls make me want to be an even meaner girl.  Oh sweet Jesus, thank you for being so deep down in my heart because I could take the mean girl thing to a whole new level.  That 90's movie, Cruel Intentions, would look like Bambi in comparison.

My mom never told me "sticks and stones..." probably because it isn't true.  Peeps, words do hurt, don't they?  Even when spoken out of love.  Now I know that mommas were just trying to make kiddos stronger when bullies were on the prowl, but perhaps if we stopped and boogied around in someone else's shoes we wouldn't do a lot of what we do!

Our actions and our words are woven together to make us who we are.  Sometimes I'm not proud of things I've said or done.  I've prayed deeply about having the correct fire in my brunettish little soul.  I want a fire of God and not a fire of this world.  I want my life woven with goodness and mercy and not anger and resentment.

Here's the deal... we live in a world that is riveted by communication, but this new platform is a weak form of the art.  Social media and texting lend themselves to the writier having no tact and no filter.  Written communication, in the wrong hands, can be a dangerous weapon.  And we are raising a generation that is unclear on how to use their words.  And even more unclear on how to receive yours.

So what if we stopped and thought a second and asked ourselves some questions each time we spoke or posted on social media or texted? What if we took some real personal responsibility?

Would I want my momma to read that?

Would I want my daughter to read that?

Is this the legacy that I want to hand down?

Did God cringe when I typed that?

Am I being reactionary?

Am I posting this to build myself up?

Am I writing this out of love?  

Or perhaps as a healthy boundary?  

Will someone be better off because of what I said?

Am I working for the Kingdom through this?

Will my children be proud to look back at my actions?

Am I acting as if I want future generations to act?

Words hurt. And in some instances, they kill.  (And that's not a stretch). According to the CDC, there is one death by suicide in the US every 12.3 minutes. And considering that depression affects 20-25% of Americans ages 18+ in a given year (CDC), the odds aren't looking good!  

Can you even wrap your head around those stats? We have no idea what someone else is going through. We may dislike them, wish they weren't around, wish our lives were difference, but we will never completely know their story. We have absolutely no idea how our words (intentionally ugly or not) will hurt them. 

So where are you with all of this?

Maybe you just need to filter a little bit. I hope that's the case. That's where I am. I really, really try to stop and think before I post. I'm not always good at it though.  

Maybe you need to simply pray over a pattern of selfish posting. Girl, I get that too!! I've been there! And it is so fixable!

Maybe you are posting and texting and hurting on purpose. And ya know what? The person might even deserve it, but no good comes from harming others. Take a second and look at your own heart and ask God to search you and know you and create a new heart within you. I betcha a big fat cheeseburger that it'll change your life. #letgo

I want to fully surrender in this area. I want to #beintentional with my words and actions. And regardless of where you are with your words, I am praying for you today. Truly I am. And for myself to be better about it as well. 

I want us all to shine like bright stars throughout BB land cause there's a whole lotta darkness out there.

A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself.  Proverbs 11:17

Finding Beauty In The Broken

Yesterday, I sat down for lunch, wrote a Facebook post about being intentional, and then a social media battle began.  Not with that post, but with another from Twitter.  I don't usually share these kind of tales, but God worked on my heart in this situation and turned an anxiety producing incident into something beautiful.  But I had to stick with my plan.  #beintentional

The tweet read, "Don't believe everything that you see. Even salt looks like sugar." 

There was more, of course. This by itself is bland and unsalty. But BBs, this and even more yuckers was tweeted about me. And our blog. And ya know what? It's true. Our blog sometimes looks sugary sweet. But here's the truth. We are a hot broken mess. 

And the beautiful thing is that our brokenness is exactly what started this blog! And more importantly our friendship over the broken mess. And what keeps us posting and writing? Our friendship with you and our love of our Savior that delivered us from this broken mess. I so so love being a part of BB land!

One thing I have learned through this blog is to let go. Letting go of the unimportant is what allows us to fly! 

Forgive and forget that nasty social media post.

Let go of that opinion. It's just that... an opinion. 

Don't dwell on the past. Or the present. Or the future. Cause that's God's job. 

Let go of that thing holding you back. 

Now does this mean to go through life with reckless abandon?  Absolutely not. 

Instead, let go for a while and allow God's light to fill that void. 

Let Him make your brokenness more beautiful. Let Him bottle and collect those tears in jars... For you. 

Quit allowing things of the world to affect, and even more detrimentally, suck away your joy. 

#Beintentional. 

Find the beautiful in the broken. That's what this blog is all about. Praising the One that was broken for us. Praising His grace for us for making our nasty ole selves clean.

Now understand that brunettish BB has a fire like no other. And often it can be used for not-so-good. I've been so praying over controling my fiery spirit and letting the fire of God take over my thoughts and heart.  

So I read that social media post over. And over. With new eyes. "Fire of God" eyes.

And through prayer, I was intentional about finding the beauty in something ugly. 

And all of a sudden, I was inspired. 

Be the salt. God called me to be salt. God called you to be salt. I want the BB site to flavor up your day like the best seasoning salt on the shelf. 

Jesus tells us...

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.”

Matthew 5:13-14 NIV

And even more so, I want this blog, just like salt, to preserve. I want the Word of God preserved in our hearts. I want it to grow and fester so that you can be a strong BB light!!!

So I'm welcoming the salt. Bring it on!!

From now on... Call this BB Salty Spice. HA!!

Now run along and #beintentional today!! 

Spice things up BBs!! 

Go find the beautiful in the broken!! 

Be Intentional

Happy New Year, BBs!  Can you believe we are already starting a new year?  This BB does not do resolutions, so this year I thought that I'd try something a bit new.  A word for the year.  Something to help me focus and grow and be a better BB.  

Ohhhhh, but what word to choose?  Some of my friends chose daring.  Fabulous, right?  Another chose grace.  What a beautiful focus that is.  This was tough for me, but I was determined to do it.  I wanted a theme for the year and I wanted to share it with you guys!  So I prayed and prayed over all of BB land.  What would the word be?

Over the past few weeks, the word intentional had been circling around in my brain like a vulture ready to pounce my dumbs dumbs.  It popped up in devotionals and prayer.  It lingered through conversation.  It was even focused on in a sermon during the last week of advent.  Now that was the final straw.

Y'all, it would...  Not... Go away.  

And it seemed too drab.  Intentional.  That's not as fun as daring and not beautiful as grace.  But what if I was just looking at it all wrong.  What if each of us was intentional each and every day?  Intentional in loving.  Intentional in true compassion.  Intentional in prayer.  Intentional in being healthy.  Intentional in our work.

It is what makes that grocery store trip more fun because you take time to laugh and joke with the cashier.  Each of you walk away better for the five minutes spent together.  

It is what makes that plane ride with too many littles toddling by your side more bearable.  You are intentional with prayer (instead of just throwing your hands up and asking Jesus to come back right that second), and God calms your heart and mind.  

It is what makes that diet and exercise bearable.  You make a plan and suddenly God is opening up time slots just for you to squeeze in that workout and that food doesn't look so bad when you think of it as your daily bread. 

Being intentional creates open places where joy can creep in and makes every day experiences more fulfilling.  It doesn't take away the "fly by the seat of your pants" side of things.  No, instead, it adds spice to all things BB.

Being intentional opens the door for God to work your life on an even greater scale! Goodness knows, He was intentional when creating us!  And He had a plan so save us all along.  

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

So, BBs, I invite you on this journey of being intentional.  This is going to be messy.  I plan every week on Monday morning about 8 a.m, and by 8:15 it's gone to H E double hockey stick in a hand basket.  I go where the wind takes me most of the time and I like it.  It's my jam.  

But this year, I'm going to be intentional.  I'm going to be taking baby steps with my BB, Jenny, and I want each of you to follow along!  We will have blogs posts from here and other sites.  We will have the same ole funny and inspiration pictures and quotes.  We will even have funny farm stories from my blog and health and wellness updates from Jenny's blog.

This is going to be fun journey through being intentional in twelve areas: Letting go, loving, wellness, grace, growing, relationships, compassion, moderation, rest, prayer, thanking, shining.

Let's move towards being intentional in body, mind, and soul!

Is intentional not ringing fabulously in your ears? Chose your own word for the year, and then follow us and be intentional about letting your word for the year shine through all of BB land!

This month, we are going to look at being intentional in letting go.  The first step towards shining through 2016 that the super stars God made us!

So thankful for each an every BB!  We love you all!

XOXO,

Anna