Connected at the Hip

Recently I shared a blog that I had written over at MiddlePlaces.com, called "Finding June." It was all about how through struggling as a newlywed, I accidentally became besties with June Carter. Not literally of course... but spiritually speaking. My husband and I had gotten into a very rare argument. And I turned to June. She taught me so much that night. Here is an excerpt of the blog to catch you up...

"When my husband and I got married (and yes, it was in a fever and hotter than a pepper sprout), I just happened to start reading June’s book, Among My Klediments.  Late one night, my hubs and I had an argument…which is rare.  He went to bed and I sat on the couch.  I was lonely.  I was very frustrated and a whole lotta mad.  I was dealing with demons of my past mistakes, and I was having a little bit of a pity party.  I was basically a big ole hot mess, and my pouty self decided to not turn to God.  'I’m just gonna sit here and read a book… and NOT the Bible… I’m not in the mood.'  (This is SO unlike me… but it all happened for a reason).  Oh, how sillies we are when we are frustrated.  That night I needed a good Christian woman/momma/friend that had walked through a ring of fire to shake me by the shoulders and say, 'You are okay.  You just got a little lost.'"

June taught me something else that night and it explains a lot about why, for quite a while, you didn't see me with my husband by my side.  We became connected at the hip. It's no secret that Johnny and June got married while carrying a whole lot of baggage and a long series of bad choices. She and Johnny didn't leave each other's sides for a solid year when they got married. They chose to do this for protection. After much discussion, Jerome and I decided that this was important for us too. We both have a lot of baggage, a lot of bad habits, and a lot of fire still under our belt. That first year we wanted, first and foremost, to protect our marriage and honor God in our choices. 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 

One thing we had already learned is that sometimes human love just isn't enough... especially if it isn't solidified in a foundation flowing from Jesus. Jesus has to be first in a marriage, and Jerome and I had never experienced that. That first year together protected our marriage in a very unique way. Friendships, commitments, family would all have to take a back seat. Honesty, loyalty, patience had to prevail because of the quantity of time we spent together. We worked apart each day for basically 8 hours... less than that, really, because he left for work before I was even awake. If he was called in after hours, I followed along. When I worked late (and I always do), he was in tow. Church commitments... two for one one deal. Music, of course, continued to be played together. Girls' night out? There usually wasn't one unless he was sitting across the room or even at the table! Guys night watching football? Yep, I was there. Friends with me? You became friends with him.

We were cautious at first. We didn't want to lose friendships or church positions or anything else. We began to see, however, that if friends didn't understand our situation and if they didn't understand that the spouse came first (right after God of course), they might not need to be high on our social priority list. And people that didn't respect the whole "God first, spouse second, kiddos third" aspect, might need some major boundaries. And there were times where I went into introvert overload. I liked being alone and independent. And I soon learned that God was trying to show me that as well. My independence had been a stumbling block to a truly complete marriage. 

And you may still see this as weird or clingy or excessive, but it wasn't. We committed to it and our hearts were forever changed. At the end of the year, we looked at our marriage with new eyes. There were no secrets. There were no regrets. We had a new level of loyalty and respect for one another. We had a new level of independence. We longed for each other's company. And our confidence, when we stood alone, grew stronger because of our connection to one another. And most importantly our walk with God grew some unshakeable roots. 

So I challenge you today to dig deeper in finding a #wholelotta love. It takes being intentional. It takes some long nights and hard days, but it is well worth the struggle. Even if your marriage is in a mess, the grass isn't greener. Be intentional and commit to a year... or even a month of making God first, your spouse second, and your children next... then all that other junk. I am no expert on marriage, but I can hold my hand up high and tell you that I committed to that year whole heartedly and it changed my life. And it'll change yours!!!

We have now moved past that first year and will always face trials and struggles and nights that are dark and seemingly lonely, but in the morning one thing always remains... when I look into my husband's eyes (even when I'm Fire-Breathing Dragon mad), I see the eyes of my Savior looking back at me. And I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the bigger picture and a Kingdom in which, through tough obedience, I can shine so much brighter.